New day, new insights. Being in a place completely opposite to home, snowed in most days off, no cable and a sinfully over-watched movie collection gives plenty of time for reflection. I can't speak for L, but for me, I'm ready for a change. I'm itchin for something I haven't been able to put my finger on for awhile. However, yesterday and today I think I've got it. Not only is being in ND isolating physically from what I know, but mentally too. To make it more clear, I used to know what was going on in the world and was passionate about it. Through Dingo ( Sarah Dingus ) I was kept up on what's going on in Africa. Kelly and I were hardcore about human justice and we kept up with ministries who fought for it. Just those two things among many others was my passion. I knew I was created for something far greater than myself. I've wanted to use nursing to bring healthcare to people in third world countries. I wanted to join forces with and work for a non-profit.....
But for some reason, God brought my husband and I out here. I let that cloud my vision and passion. I let it harden my heart because there's a huge difference between hard-headed Norwiegans, Swedes, and precious grateful African children. I admit, i have a very hard time caring for the people who call this part of the country home, because to me, they are not exactly easy to love. I know thats wrong of me, and God's working on my heart.
But for some reason, God brought my husband and I out here. I let that cloud my vision and passion. I let it harden my heart because there's a huge difference between hard-headed Norwiegans, Swedes, and precious grateful African children. I admit, i have a very hard time caring for the people who call this part of the country home, because to me, they are not exactly easy to love. I know thats wrong of me, and God's working on my heart.
I still know and want all those things mentioned earlier, but I'm trying to figure out how to get on that track.
I said something to L the other day about my frustration of not fitting in with the people here. Then, a couple days later it hit me : I'm not supposed to fit in. Thats the whole point. Its sad and comforting all at the same time. God didn't create me to fit in with people who don't give Him a second glance. I've always known that way down, but now I don't have the comfort of running to those who understand.
Reading Radical by David Platt put my very position into words : "This is how God works. He puts His people in positions where they are desperate for His power, and then He shows His provision in ways that display His greatness." I am desperate. More than I ever have been for Him. I feel very much out of control of my life and thats where He wants me. I want this to bring peace and joy. I'm tired of feeling frustrated and upset about our current situation.
Whoever reads this, please try and learn what I hadn't. Be grateful for the time you spend with family and close friends, for good weather and warmth. Those of you who live in God's country (aka TN),
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